Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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