there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
