I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
