Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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