I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
