3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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