I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
