So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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