On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
