Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
