Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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