You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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