fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
