Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
