So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
