NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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