wat bout pragnant strippers??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
