I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
