Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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