Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
