How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
