Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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