P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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