Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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