How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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