WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
