when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
