Me too!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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