I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
