I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
