why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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