Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
