It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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