The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
