I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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