Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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