The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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