Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
