Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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