Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
