bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
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The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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