when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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