New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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