I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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