You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize