Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
