so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
