If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
