I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
