Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
