No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
