he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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