how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
