dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
