Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
