if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
