Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
