when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
