Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish I only lived at night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
