A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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