god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
