Already got asked if we're dating
i was born a porn star she said
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
