Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
