You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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