imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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