first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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