I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
