if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
