my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
