you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
