im drinking this country out of the recession.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
