I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
